C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
