Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
