I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
