chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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