we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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