What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
