you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
