Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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