So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize