The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
