dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
