just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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