my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
