I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
