i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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