we're blogging at a bar
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
