I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
