I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
