The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you had me at cake vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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