i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
