I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
