NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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