Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
