bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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