I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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