Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
