apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
