i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
