Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
