how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
