You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
