we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize