And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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