I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
don't judge my taste in strippers
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
