i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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