Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
