Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sext me about skeletons
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
