Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The Olympian is in my bed
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