I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
too bad you live with your parents still
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
