It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
