i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
this will be a night to untag.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
