Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
