Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
