So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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