when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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