Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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