they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize