I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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