i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize