i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
