I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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