I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
God, I missed his penis.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
