I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
