she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
