I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize