OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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