So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize