I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
