He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize