the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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