Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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