why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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