Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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