There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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