They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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