Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
